Author: Mike Johnson
Last saved by: Grant, Paul
Company: Eastern Kentucky University

Tone Revisions Assignment: 50 Points
The following exercise gives you an opportunity to practice revising a document to reduce its negative tone and make it more reader-friendly in the way it approaches a problem.

Edit all of the documents and revise them. Copy and paste its text into a Word Document so you can work with it effectively. 

Once you have completed the revision, paste it into the space provided and submit.

 You've just come back from a rather contentious meeting during which Joe Smith has suggested that your clerks are really messing up on the job. You have to write a memo to him suggested things you can do to alleviate any problems.

MEMO 

To:  Joe Smith
From:  PUT YOUR NAME HERE
Date:  1 March 2004
Subject:  “Mistakes” in Computer Files

I have been reviewing the “errors” in the computer files that you talked about during today’s meeting.  At that time, you insinuated that theses errors were made by the employees in my department.  I have discovered that the errors are more the fault of your people than mine.

You suggested that I ask my clerks to review the documents by hand or switch off and review each other’s work.  Due to the importance of their work, my people do not have the extra time to spend on such “endeavors,” nor am I willing to hire additional clerks to accomplish what I deem an unnecessary task.

I recommend that you ask your people to be more diligent before they send the files on to my people.  Perhaps if THEY switched off and reviewed each other’s work the REAL problem would be eliminated.

For this exercise, you are a Fire Engineering major who has been asked by the chair of your department to write a short report suggesting ways to improve the curriculum. 

TEXT OF REPORT TO CHAIR OF FIRE SAFETY DEPARTMENT:

PUT YOUR NAME HERE AS WRITER

There are numerous problems faced by students in the Fire Safety Department.  Chief among them are poor scheduling of classes, insufficient varieties of courses, and equipment which always seems to be in a state of disrepair.

Since students are required to take certain courses before they graduate, the department ought to take better pains to ensure that they are able to get the classes they need when they need them.  Instead, juniors and seniors often find that the courses they need have been filled by freshmen and sophomores.  If the department really cares about its students, it will do all it can to ensure that they get first shot at all required upper-division courses.

More than that, though, the department could do a far better job of providing more diverse courses for students.  Right now, there’s a lot of material repeated from course to course, and students often feel that they are not getting the specialized education they deserve from the department.  “Less repetition, more creativity” should be any good department’s standard in this area.

Finally, the mark of a truly good Fire and Safety Department isn’t just its professors and students—it’s also in the equipment with which its labs are stocked.  If students can’t even use the equipment that’s there because half of it is broken, then what good is the lab to begin with?  Every lab needs a full supply of equipment kept in good working order.  This will cost money, I know, but if the department wants to have a good reputation, then it has to put forth the effort.

Thanks for giving me the chance to offer my opinion.  I’d be glad to help again in the future.

You are the head horticulturalist for Harrelson's Greenhouses. You have been asked by upper management to write a memo outlining ways to improve the various greenhouses in your network. How do you do that without being rude to the managers who will work with you? 

Harrelson’s Greenhouses

To:  Greenhouse Managers
From:  PUT YOUR NAME HERE
Date:  22 April 2007
Subject:  Recommendations for Greenhouse Enhancement

As the head horticulturalist, I have been given the task of ensuring that ALL managers implement a series of changes meant to improve our company and increase profits.  These changes involve two areas:  plant breeding and plant nutrition.

Plant Breeding:  You will begin immediately the process of reinstating our defunct pest resistance program in order to ensure stronger plants and better profits.

Plant Nutrition:  A plant nutrition specialist should be hired.  You are asked to cooperate with this person’s requests.

Hopefully, these changes will correct some of the mistakes we have made in the past in these two areas.

You have been given the task of writing letters to unsuccessful job applicants. For this assignment, you should use the negative or bad news message organizational pattern.

Hanover Foods
10 Industrial Park
Skokie, IL 12345
18 August 2003

Mr. Fred Smith
123 Morningside Lane
Austin, NH 11183

Dear Mr. Smith:

It is with deep regret that I write to inform you of our decision not to accept your application for the executive training program.

Thank you again for your enthusiasm about the program, though.

My best wishes to you for your future.

Sincerely,

PUT YOUR SIGNAUTRE HERE

PUT YOUR NAME HERE
Personnel Director